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World Leaders Descend Upon Ukraine Conference, Look Busily Concerned

By Short The Truth
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As if summoned by some diplomatic bat signal, a collection of global power players including United States Secretary of State Antony Blinken, Canadian Foreign Minister Mélanie Joly, and European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen gathered on the fringes of the Ukrainian capital for a conference designed to reassure Kyiv that the world is still paying attention, even if it’s been scrolling distractedly for the past few months.

This international congregation, which included over 90 countries, took place in Switzerland’s serene Bürgenstock resort, a place more commonly associated with luxury spa treatments than thorny geopolitical entanglements. The summit, intended to outline a potential path to peace in Ukraine, notably did not include Russia. Because nothing says effective peace talks quite like not inviting one half of the war.

President Volodymyr Zelensky, who has spent the better part of two years either in fatigues or on a plane, used the opportunity to present his ten-point peace plan with the energy of a man who knows each bullet point by heart and could recite them backward while blindfolded. The plan includes familiar greatest hits such as a complete withdrawal of Russian forces, restoring Ukraine’s 1991 borders, and reparations that were met with nods from the West and the sound of Russian laughter echoing from about 4,000 kilometers away.

Russian officials, not invited to the party as previously noted, dismissed the summit as a Western PR stunt, though one has to admit it was a very well-catered PR stunt with sweeping Alpine views and something described as “constructive dialogue.” Moscow insisted that any credible peace process must involve them, which is sort of like refusing to attend your own intervention and then criticizing everyone for not asking your opinion.

Meanwhile, China, ever the master of selective participation, refused to endorse the summit, stayed home, and issued its own peace feelers through avenues that did not require a view of Lake Lucerne. Beijing’s absence was felt pointedly, especially by Western leaders hoping for a show of unity that looked a bit less solitary.

Attendees concluded the summit with a joint communique calling for the sovereignty and territorial integrity of Ukraine to be respected, and for a future peace to involve all parties which, though nicely worded, felt a little like promising to bake a cake without inviting the person holding the flour.

All in all, the summit served as a well-intentioned olive branch in a hurricane, albeit one with excellent hors d’oeuvres and a guest list that clearly believed in the power of earnest speeches and firm handshakes.

The road to peace is paved with declarations, catered lunches, and the notable absence of the guy you’re arguing with.

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