Donald Trump has announced that Washington, D.C., is now officially a “crime-free zone,” claiming his administration eliminated all lawlessness in just a few weeks by working with Mayor Muriel Bowser. In a Truth Social post, Trump wrote: “Crime is down to virtually NOTHING in D.C., now a CRIME FREE ZONE. Wouldn’t it be nice to say that about Chicago, Los Angeles, New York, and Baltimore???”
The declaration sparked confusion in the capital, where residents said they still witnessed crime on a daily basis, though none of it apparently counts anymore. “If the president says it’s gone, then technically it’s gone,” one federal worker sighed, adding: “I just had my car broken into but I guess it was a patriotic break-in.”
Trump praised Bowser for “working with me and my great people” and said her popularity had jumped 25 percent as a result. He warned her not to “go woke,” reminding followers that D.C. could lose its new miracle status at any time. Analysts noted this was the first time Trump had ever described Bowser positively, though he quickly balanced the compliment by insulting half a dozen other mayors.
“We’re thrilled the president has abolished crime. Unfortunately, criminals have not been informed.”
DC police officer
Chicago’s Brandon Johnson, L.A.’s Karen Bass, and New York’s Eric Adams were all blasted as “leftists justifying crime.” Trump also referred to Gavin Newsom as “Newscum” and accused Baltimore of resembling a “war zone.” Residents of those cities shrugged, noting they were used to it by now.
The president pointed to federal troop deployments during previous riots, claiming Los Angeles would have “lost the Olympics” without him. Experts were unsure what this meant, given the games are still three years away, but suggested Trump may have been confusing them with WrestleMania.
Critics say Trump’s “crime-free” declaration is little more than a branding exercise, while supporters argue that’s exactly what they voted for. One political analyst summed it up: “It doesn’t matter whether crime actually goes down. It only matters whether Trump capitalizes the word CRIME when he posts about it.”
