In a turn of events that surprised absolutely no one who has been paying attention to the slow and sometimes squirrel-paced crawl of legal accountability, former cryptocurrency mogul Sam Bankman-Fried has been sentenced to 25 years in prison. This follows a conviction for orchestrating what prosecutors cheerfully referred to as one of the biggest financial frauds in history, which is quite the distinction given the stiff competition throughout the years.
Bankman-Fried, who once styled himself as the mop-haired wonder child of digital finance, watched from the courtroom as Judge Lewis Kaplan handed down the sentence, paying little heed to the defendant’s eleventh-hour lament that apparently some misunderstandings had been made, although sadly none by him. Kaplan, showing all the warmth of a granite countertop, dismissed Bankman-Fried’s excuses and pointed out that the man had not shown “a word of remorse.”
Bankman-Fried was found guilty on seven counts including wire fraud, conspiracy to commit securities fraud and laundering money like it was going out of fashion. Prosecutors claimed he diverted billions of dollars from customers of his now-defunct cryptocurrency exchange FTX to pay off debts, make political donations and invest in other ventures, although astonishingly not one of them included a course in corporate ethics.
At its peak, FTX was valued at $32 billion, a number that now mainly lives in the dreams of bankruptcy accountants and podcast retrospectives. It collapsed in late 2022 in what financial analysts like to call a “liquidity crisis” but what most people would describe as “a lot of people suddenly realizing the money was not actually there.”
Bankman-Fried’s once-loyal inner circle, in a plot twist that will shock absolutely no viewers of legal dramas, all pleaded guilty and agreed to testify against him. This included FTX co-founder Gary Wang and Caroline Ellison, the former CEO of trading firm Alameda Research and Bankman-Fried’s one-time romantic partner, which adds a personal subplot to a fraud narrative already brimming with excitement and missing funds.
While the defense had asked for a far more lenient sentence of six and a half years, citing Bankman-Fried’s youthful enthusiasm and occasional generosity, prosecutors argued forcefully for forty to fifty, noting the sheer scale of the deception and the number of victims who can now add “crypto cautionary tale” to their résumés.
Judge Kaplan ultimately split the difference like a Solomonic appraiser of damaged reputations, declaring 25 years to be the sweet spot between justice and what you could reasonably serve before becoming a true crime documentary subject.
Bankman-Fried’s lawyers say they plan to appeal, which could mean years of additional court arguments and more opportunities for lawyers to thoroughly familiarize themselves with the fine print of bankruptcy code and the outer limits of chutzpah.
As he was escorted out of the courtroom, Bankman-Fried said nothing, though one imagines he may have been mentally composing the opening chapter of a future memoir tentatively titled “Oops.”
A helpful reminder that just because your company is imaginary money does not mean your sentence will be.