In what is becoming less of a news story and more of a recurring calendar event, Vladimir Putin was sworn in for a fifth term as Russia’s president on Tuesday, a ceremony so steeped in ritual and symbolism it might have benefited from a popcorn stand. The inauguration, conducted in the Kremlin’s gilded halls with all the solemnity of a Shakespearean coronation, confirmed that Putin will stay in power until at least 2030, or until Russia develops a functioning time machine, whichever comes first.
Putin, who has led Russia almost continuously since the last days of the floppy disk, took the oath of office in front of assembled lawmakers, top officials and Orthodox Church leaders who appeared less like political participants and more like extras in a Netflix medieval drama. He pledged loyalty to the people and to the constitution, the same constitution that was obligingly amended in 2020 to reset his term limits, allowing him the opportunity to govern Russia until he is old enough to attend cabinet meetings in a mobility scooter.
Western leaders, many of whom now treat diplomatic calls to Moscow like a game of hot potato, issued statements of condemnation or opted for the more direct approach of simply ignoring the spectacle altogether. The United States and several EU countries did a collective diplomatic eye roll by not sending representatives to the inauguration. Ukraine’s foreign minister called the ceremony “a farce” which, while harsh, at least suggests someone was still watching.
The ceremony itself was thick with tradition. There was the Russian national anthem, plenty of military pageantry and the ceremonial stroll through curved marbled halls reminiscent of a scene where someone is about to tell the king his son has betrayed him. Yet for all the grandeur, the affair had the unmistakable feel of a very long staff meeting where everyone already knows what is going to happen and no one is allowed to ask questions.
Putin, now the longest-serving Russian leader since Joseph Stalin, remains at the helm amidst global tensions, a grinding war in Ukraine and a domestic atmosphere so tightly controlled that dissenters are more endangered than Siberian tigers. While Kremlin officials celebrate the continuity of leadership, critics argue that elections in Russia increasingly resemble game shows, except with fewer prizes and more jail time for contestants.
With this latest term, Putin could remain in office until age 77, surpassing the age when most people start gardening or taking up woodworking. Instead, he has chosen to continue his long-running performance as the geopolitical strongman who rides horses shirtless and rewrites history textbooks with the flair of a novelist who always kills off the reformers.
As the Kremlin toasted to another six years of predictable leadership, the democratic world took note with a mix of concern, fatigue and a desire to binge watch anything else. After all, at some point even Groundhog Day starts to feel fresh by comparison.
And somewhere in Moscow, a term limit quietly wept into its vodka.