In a development that absolutely no one saw coming, unless they had spent five minutes reading the news in the past two years, the latest round of negotiations between striking workers and corporate leadership has fizzled out faster than a budget airline promise.
The union, representing thousands of workers who insist on such radical concepts as fair pay and reasonable hours, walked away from the table this week after management offered what can only be described as an enthusiastic shrug. Despite a few productive conversations about the weather and coffee preferences, the two sides failed to reach an agreement.
At the heart of the dispute is a disagreement about wages, benefits, job security and the pesky expectation that employees be able to afford groceries. Management says it simply cannot meet these demands without raising prices or reducing profits. Workers suggest those two options may not be mutually exclusive with executives continuing to enjoy salaries that could fund a small moon landing.
“We came to the table in good faith,” union spokesperson Lisa Tran said Tuesday, “but apparently good faith doesn’t include meaningful action.” She added that while she respects the company’s position, she would respect it more if it involved math that added up.
The company, meanwhile, issued a statement describing the negotiations as “challenging yet constructive,” which is corporate speak for “we argued quietly for six hours and then made no actual progress.”
Industry experts note that the breakdown in talks makes a prolonged strike more likely, raising the prospect of further disruptions and a great deal more picketing. For management, the outcome spells continued pressure. For workers, it means back to the sidewalk with signs, resolve, and thermoses full of justifiable indignation.
The only thing showing less movement than these negotiations is a cat considering whether to leave a sunny windowsill.