In what can only be described as a very unappetizing twist for toddlers everywhere, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration revealed that it discovered alarmingly high levels of lead and chromium in several cinnamon applesauce pouches manufactured in Ecuador, which were then served up in the United States to unsuspecting snackers in sippy cup stages of life.
As part of a sweeping investigation into why certain children were developing mysterious elevated lead levels, the FDA found the culprit was not a suspicious antique spoon or daycare finger painting session gone rogue, but rather fruit puree pouches from brands including WanaBana, Schnucks and Weis, which were all generously dusted with lead-laced cinnamon imported from Ecuador. The source, rather predictably, has now become the world’s least desirable spice rack addition.
The FDA laid the blame squarely on the exporter Carlos Aguilera, whose cinnamon not only failed to meet basic health standards but appeared to have been supercharged with heavy metals for reasons still under investigation. The cinnamon was then used by manufacturer Austrofoods in their applesauce pouches which, in an ironic twist of fate, were marketed as healthy snacking options for children. Nothing says growing up strong quite like trace doses of industrial pollutants.
While the exact motive behind the contaminated cinnamon remains unclear, the FDA is not currently suggesting this was an elaborate supervillain origin story in disguise. Criminal investigations are ongoing in Ecuador, with the sort of swiftness one typically reserves for, say, a cinnamon shortage at Christmas.
As of now, more than 500 cases of lead poisoning linked to these products have been reported across the United States, spanning 44 states, and prompting an avalanche of recalls not seen since the Great Fidget Spinner Recall of 2017. The FDA assures the public it is collaborating with Ecuadorian authorities to ensure the spice supply chain doesn’t read more like a toxicology report than a recipe.
“It is unlikely this was due to environmental contamination,” the FDA stated in a masterpiece of understated panic, adding that the cinnamon appears to have been “intentionally contaminated.”
Austrofoods, the manufacturer suddenly famous for all the wrong reasons, said it was “deeply saddened and sorry” and claimed to have no idea their cinnamon came pre-loaded with a periodic table starter pack. Meanwhile, the FDA has kindly asked importers and dealers to test anything resembling cinnamon from Ecuador before distributing it, an idea that some might argue should have been page one in the how-to manual.
So far, no other cinnamon products have been implicated, though cinnamon itself remains cautiously under scrutiny, perhaps nervously eyeing nutmeg and hoping it does not get dragged into this mess by mere association.
The FDA says it will continue to monitor the situation closely, and in the meantime, recommends parents remove any of the recalled pouches from their pantries unless they have ambitions to start a periodic table-themed smoothie bar.
In conclusion, next time someone tells you applesauce is bland, remind them that with the right seasoning, it can really pack a punch… and a blood test.