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Elon Musk’s Brain Implant Company Just Put A Chip In A Human Head. What Could Go Wrong?

By Short The Truth
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In what can only be described as a bold leap into the pages of speculative fiction, Elon Musk’s neurotechnology company Neuralink has reportedly accomplished what every science fiction villain and a few optimistic futurists have long dreamed of: successfully implanting a brain chip into a living, breathing human being. According to Musk, the procedure occurred on Sunday and, in case anyone was concerned, the patient is said to be “recovering well,” with preliminary results showing “promising neuron spike detection.” For those unfamiliar with the thrilling world of neuroscience, this essentially means the chip can listen to the brain whispering its little secrets.

Neuralink’s breakthrough, announced late Monday on Musk’s social media platform X, formerly known by the less cryptically named Twitter, comes after years of eyebrow-raising demos featuring pigs, monkeys and the occasional hint of cyborg aspirations. The company, which received FDA approval for human trials last year, calls this initial implant Telepathy. Apparently subtlety was not invited into the naming meeting.

According to Musk, the aim is to allow people to control phones or computers “just by thinking.” A noble cause indeed and one that seems particularly targeted at those who suffer from severe physical impairments. Musk dropped the name of Stephen Hawking as an example, explaining how someone like the late physicist could in theory communicate “faster than a speed typist or auctioneer.” One can only imagine the bidding wars at Sotheby’s if that dream comes to pass.

The startup has not exactly followed the gentle pace of academic research. Neuralink has courted both awe and controversy in equal measure, facing scrutiny for its animal testing practices. Previous investigations revealed a workplace that moved with the sort of hurried urgency typically seen in test kitchens before a surprise health inspection. Insider accounts from staff suggested that pressure for rapid results led to rushed procedures and more than a few ethically questionable hiccups involving pigs and primates.

Still, Neuralink appears determined to march confidently into the realm of mind-machine integration. Critics have pointed out that competitors, such as Synchron, began human testing with less fanfare and fewer tech bros in 2022. But then again, none of them have a CEO who names products after psychic powers while simultaneously tweeting blurry memes and launching rockets into space.

The details of the implant are still largely under wraps, but Musk described it as a “robotic sewing machine” for the brain. Quite reassuring terminology for anyone about to let a machine gently thread electrodes into their cerebrum. According to the company, the device works wirelessly, which is a blessing, as no one was looking forward to extension cords dangling from their ears.

As Neuralink forges ahead, some experts are urging caution. The human brain, after all, is not known for embracing change quietly. While the initial volunteer seems to be doing fine, medical trials often take years to draw any firm conclusions. Still, where others see risk, Musk sees reward and, presumably, eventual monetization.

For now, one person can move a cursor with their thoughts, and Elon Musk can claim a slice of the future, served with a side of investor optimism and a splash of sci-fi flair.

The machines may not be reading our minds yet, but they are taking notes.

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