Alex Jones Ordered to Liquidate Personal Assets, Conspiracy Business Still Clings to Life
In a move that probably has Infowars fans frantically searching for secret…
FDA Finds Lead and Chromium in Children’s Cinnamon Applesauce Pouches, Because Apparently Snack Time Was Missing a Heavy Metal Encore
In what can only be described as a very unappetizing twist for…
NASA Officially Gives Up Trying to Resurrect Mars Helicopter, Which Is Now Just a Half-Billion Dollar Mars Rock
Fans of plucky aerospace underdogs, moment of silence, please. NASA’s beloved Mars…
In a Plot Twist No One Wanted, CEOs Discover AI Is Not a Magical Fairy Godmother
In a development that could shock absolutely no one who has ever…
Canada Goose Finds Life Outside the Cold, Sells Luxury Parkas in the Desert
In what could only be described as a curious twist of wardrobe…
Earth’s Hottest Year Declared, Planet Responds with Lukewarm Enthusiasm
In a result that surprises approximately no one who has stepped outside…
Europe’s Inflation Falls to Delightfully Tepid Levels, ECB Breathes Soft Sigh
Eurozone inflation continued its quiet retreat in April, slipping ever closer to…
UK Economy Avoids Recession by the Narrowest of Margins, Brings Cake to Celebrate
The UK economy has managed to claw its way out of what…