Neuralink, the brainchild of Elon Musk and the stuff of both techno-utopia dreams and sci-fi-induced existential dread, has officially installed its brain implant into a second human being. The news came from Musk himself, speaking during one of his favorite mediums: a livestream event that blurred the line between corporate update and late-night monologue.
Musk reported that the second patient is recovering well and appears to have avoided the hardware malfunction that plagued the first patient’s implant back in March. That hiccup, in which some of the ultra-fine threads slipped out of the brain tissue post-surgery, was resolved with some rather creative software intervention. Because nothing says peace of mind like your brain needing a firmware patch.
The billionaire-slash-inventor assured listeners that the implant in this newest participant is “working well” and seems to be holding steady, which, in brain chip terms, translates to a victory dance held entirely within regulatory guardrails.
Neuralink has described its mission with a straight face and a ton of jargon, claiming it aims to eventually allow people with paralysis to control tech devices with their minds. The initial product, called Telepathy, sounds like it was named during a particularly energetic brainstorming session involving either too much caffeine or not quite enough.
Despite the lofty ambitions, the entire endeavor remains wrapped in enough red tape to start a holiday gift wrapping business. Neuralink is still limited to a bare minimum number of study participants under its FDA-approved trial, which is officially called the “Precise Robotically Implanted Brain-Computer Interface” study. Because when you’re navigating the fine details of inserting technology into people’s skulls, an acronym just won’t do it justice.
For now, the project continues under the careful eye of regulators, hopeful techies, and the rest of us who are still trying to figure out how to keep our phones from autocorrecting “ducking” at inopportune moments.
The future may be written in code, but for now at least, it still has to learn to spellcheck.