Reza Baluchi, a man with more enthusiasm than maritime sense, was intercepted by the U.S. Coast Guard approximately 70 miles off the Georgia coast while attempting to run across the Atlantic Ocean inside a hamster wheel contraption that can best be described as what happens when fitness meets floating catastrophe.
This makes the fourth known attempt by Baluchi to traverse vast bodies of water using what he calls a “hydro pod” and what the U.S. Coast Guard calls “manifestly unsafe.” Previous adventures in human-powered sea travel ended in similar fashion, with the Coast Guard retrieving Baluchi at various nautical mile markers like an extremely polite but increasingly exasperated parent.
According to a criminal complaint filed in federal court, the Coast Guard first encountered Baluchi on August 26. His floating wheel was held together by buoys and wiring of dubious engineering intent and he said he wanted to reach London. When officers attempted to stop the voyage for what they gently referred to as safety reasons, Baluchi reportedly threatened to hurt himself and displayed a 12-inch knife. Nothing spices up an international fitness odyssey quite like a hostage negotiation at sea.
The standoff with the Coast Guard lasted several days during which the vessel was deemed unsafe and unsuitable for such a journey. Despite citing his past experiences and an unwavering belief in his cardio endurance, Baluchi eventually agreed to leave his outdoor gym wheel and was taken ashore where the wheels finally came off.
Baluchi has been charged with obstruction of a boarding and violation of a Captain of the Port Order, which is legalese for “please stop doing this.” The criminal complaint generously includes details of Baluchi’s proud history of hamster veering across the sea including attempts in 2014, 2016 and 2021, confirming that this is not a one-wheel wonder but rather a recurring spin class across the Atlantic.
Despite mounting legal troubles and the minor detail that oceans are not designed for jogging, Baluchi has remained undeterred, previously telling interviewers that his goal is to raise money for public services and to inspire people. Admirable motivations, if not entirely seaworthy methods.
“I’m not a criminal,” Baluchi told FOX 35 back in 2021 after one such adventure. “I’m just crazy.” On this point, the Coast Guard appears to concur, if only involuntarily and after considerable paperwork.
One can only assume Reza Baluchi is already drafting plans for his next stunt, possibly involving rollerblades and tectonic plates.