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Supreme Court Declares Presidents Can Do Quite a Bit, Actually

By Short The Truth
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In a landmark decision that may have historical scholars scribbling furiously into their coffee-stained notebooks, the U.S. Supreme Court on Monday essentially ruled that presidents enjoy a rather generous helping of immunity from criminal prosecution for their official acts, leaving the definition of “official” just vague enough to keep law professors gainfully employed for the foreseeable future.

In a 6 to 3 decision that split conveniently along ideological lines, the conservative majority declared that former President Donald Trump is “absolutely immune” from charges that stem from actions taken while he was performing his presidential duties, adding that courts cannot even scrutinize those actions if they fall under this vaguely majestic umbrella of job description.

Writing for the majority, Chief Justice John Roberts wielded a rather flexible quill in outlining the new presidential privilege, asserting that “the President is not above the law,” while simultaneously crafting an opinion that seems to provide presidents with a comfortable perch just high enough to avoid actual legal consequence, provided they color within certain unclear lines and do not label their actions “personal.”

The case centers on the federal indictment against Trump over his alleged efforts to overturn the 2020 election, filed by special counsel Jack Smith, who now faces the unenviable task of refitting his prosecution to squeeze through the gaps the Court has left open, assuming he can find them at all. The lower court now gets to figure out which of Trump’s actions were officially presidential and which were more in the realm of “business casual coup attempt.”

The liberal justices, meanwhile, donned their dissenting robes and expressed strong concerns that the ruling licenses presidents to misuse their power without fear of legal retribution. Justice Sonia Sotomayor penned a scathing dissent warning that the decision may pave the way for a future where presidents can dispatch missiles, pardon cronies, or perhaps turn the Lincoln Bedroom into a casino, all without legal consequence, provided it falls under the whimsical category of official acts.

With fear for our democracy, I dissent,

Sotomayor wrote, presumably pausing only to underline each word with a deeply concerned sigh.

The decision delays Trump’s criminal trial just as the 2024 election campaign hits full steam, meaning that if he wins, the question of presidential immunity may become delightfully theoretical, since he would likely direct the Justice Department that would be prosecuting him. A neat little constitutional Mobius strip.

This ruling, while highly consequential, leaves behind a trail of interpretive breadcrumbs, daring lower courts to figure out exactly how much law a president can ignore while still holding the nation’s highest office and the nuclear codes.

Turns out, when it comes to accountability, the presidency might just come with a cloak, but no strings attached.

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