Just as Australians were beginning to remember the smell of sunscreen and the gentle hiss of sand in their car upholstery, marine biologists have issued a timely public service announcement with the emotional impact of a wet handshake: beware the blue ringed octopus. Apparently, their population is increasing along Australia’s beaches, because nature doesn’t believe in a stress-free summer break.
These petite but potent cephalopods, roughly the size of a Tim Tam and about as deadly as an international spy with a license to kill, are capable of delivering a neurotoxin that can paralyze a human being faster than you can say “That’s not a rock, it’s moving.” While they prefer solitude and hiding in rock pools, tide lines and discarded shells, scientists now say that they are popping up in record numbers along the Australian coast, gently raising the difficulty setting for anyone attempting a barefoot beach stroll.
Dr. Kate Fraser from Macquarie University suggests the increase may be due to shifts in ocean temperatures and habitat conditions brought on by climate change, although she stops short of accusing the octopuses of malicious intent or climate activism. Instead, she calmly reminds splashing beachgoers that the blue ringed octopus is not looking for trouble. It just has a truly unfortunate marketing problem, being small, beautiful and lethally venomous, much like many things in Australia.
Marine experts recommend avoiding picking up mysterious shells, especially those that seem to be breathing. They also advocate for increased caution around tide pools and a general wariness toward any sea creature that looks like it is auditioning for a psychedelic art show.
The octopus venom contains tetrodotoxin, a substance that leaves the recipient unable to breathe but still fully conscious, which is what scientists refer to as “a very bad time.” There is no antivenom, only life support and the quiet reflection that you should have left that pretty shell alone. Treatment involves keeping the person alive and oxygenated until the toxin gives up and goes away, which can take hours and quite a few stern looks from medical staff.
And so, as the warmer months roll in and Australians collectively dust off their thongs and head seaside, authorities are gently but firmly suggesting a new rule of thumb: do not pick up anything blue that is flashing. It’s either an octopus or a police operation and frankly, neither ends well.
After all, it’s not summer in Australia without at least one creature trying to kill you in vivid technicolour.