In a moment that could only be described as a cinematic plot twist worthy of the very medium in question, a New Jersey man has returned a VHS tape to a video store. The twist? The movie was rented in 1994, the store no longer exists and VHS tapes have long since gone the way of rotary phones and attention spans over three seconds.
Tom Waite, who should be commended either for his exceptional memory or his ability to ignore overdue notices with biblical levels of patience, finally handed over his well-aged copy of the now mostly forgotten movie “True Lies.” He returned it not to its original video store, which has since gone the way of most 90s institutions and no longer exists, but rather to a pop-up exhibit in Alaska celebrating the bygone era of VHS rentals. One can only imagine the confusion on the face of the person receiving it, who may have assumed it was part of a time capsule or a prank involving a DeLorean.
Waite claims he had always intended to bring it back, suggesting a lifelong commitment to late fees or perhaps simply an existential dread of finishing things. “I wasn’t done watching,” he reportedly said, which suggests either a glacially slow playback speed or the deepest possible appreciation for Arnold Schwarzenegger’s delivery of one-liners.
As a result of Waite’s long overdue return, no legal action is being taken, almost certainly because tracking down a rental contract from the Clinton administration is only slightly more difficult than finding a functioning VHS player outside a museum.
“Honestly, we’re just glad he didn’t rewind it,” said a pretend employee of the former video store, speaking on behalf of irony itself.
The exhibit accepted the tape with open arms and presumably a Lysol wipe, noting it will serve as a piece of history dedicated to a time before streaming made commitment to one film at a time feel quaint and mildly exhausting.
In a world of instant access and short memories, it is deeply reassuring to know some people still honor their debts to Blockbuster, even if Blockbuster has since become more myth than retail outlet.
They say time heals all wounds, but apparently it also returns its own videotapes.