After an absence that felt less like a strategic delay and more like a very long coffee break, Meta has finally launched Threads in the European Union, marking its grand arrival on a continent that was beginning to wonder if perhaps Mark Zuckerberg had simply forgotten about it among the ever-expanding metaverse to-do list.
The platform, which Meta daringly describes as a kinder, gentler alternative to the chaos formally known as Twitter, made its original debut back in July. But thanks to the EU’s notoriously strict data privacy regulations known as the Digital Markets Act, Threads had to sit out the initial party like an overly eager cousin waiting for permission to come inside. Now, after five long months of red tape and strategic tweaking, Europe gets its turn to scroll through micro-posts from people it mostly forgot it followed.
Threads users in Europe can finally create accounts, post text-based updates and, in a delightful nod to modern marketing, “interact with the things they care about.” Though judging by the current state of online discourse, this may involve a bit more doomscrolling and a bit less mutual appreciation than advertised.
To comply with regulatory expectations, Meta has graciously offered an option to use Threads in read-only mode, which lets users lurk respectfully without contributing anything at all, thereby allowing Europeans to get the full internet experience without surrendering more data than absolutely necessary. This lurking option is being framed as a privacy win, though it also sounds suspiciously like Meta handing over a pasta sample pack with no fork.
Zuckerberg, whose excitement for expanding his family of apps appears to rival that of an overenthusiastic plant parent, said he’s “excited to launch Threads in more countries,” and help people “express their ideas” which, depending on the day, could range from tech optimism to elaborate sandwich reviews.
So far, Threads has not exactly dethroned the blue bird or its questionable successor. Growth has reportedly tapered off since the initial spike in user sign-ups, possibly due to the realization that having another app that mimics Twitter might not be the innovation the world craved, but rather the digital equivalent of launching a new soda flavor that tastes suspiciously like the original.
Still, Meta remains optimistic, perhaps buoyed by the dream that somewhere out there, a few billion people are waiting patiently for yet another feed of hot takes and inspirational quotes crammed into 500 characters or less. Whether Threads can actually become the next great online forum remains to be seen, but at the very least, it has now ticked the Europe box on its expansion list.
Because nothing says global domination like finally remembering to include France.