In the proud British tradition of queuing and complaining about the weather, it appears we must now add a new national pastime: trying to figure out what, precisely, is going on with Thames Water.
The troubled utility company, responsible for keeping London’s taps flowing and Victorian-era sewer systems chugging along, has resorted to all but turning its pockets inside out in a desperate bid to sort out its towering debts, presently tottering at a rather awkward £15.6 billion. After investors declined to hand over a promised £500 million, like a friend suddenly remembering they left their wallet at home, Thames Water now finds itself in a bit of a bind, or rather a ten-inch steel coupling clamp of financial complications.
Despite serving around 15 million people, which is roughly everyone in London and much of the Home Counties who cannot remember life before a hosepipe ban, Thames Water is teetering on the edge of being temporarily brought into some form of government control. A move being politely referred to as a “special administration regime” which sounds innocuous enough until one realises it is essentially the utilities version of being grounded until you can clean up your balance sheet.
Its parent company, Kemble Water, skipped a £190 million loan payment in April, a fact that sent its credit rating into what market types refer to as “junk territory” and what the rest of us might call “not ideal.” Of course, the company insists that customers will not be asked to cough up a penny more, meaning the English tradition of paying more for less will remain, blessedly, intact.
The government, slightly less enthused about becoming a water company overnight, continues to say nationalising Thames Water is absolutely not on the table. This is perhaps for the best, since Britain has yet to master the art of running its trains to the satisfaction of the public, and adding sewage to the mix could be a rather foul complication.
Meanwhile, Environment Secretary Steve Barclay has urged the company to “get its house in order,” though one suspects said house currently has a leaky pipe or two. Ofwat, the water regulator, insists that contingency plans are in place, which somehow does not inspire total confidence given that the phrase “contingency plan” is never quite as reassuring as intended.
“The company continues to operate as normal and customers can continue to rely on their water supply,” said Thames Water in a statement, bravely managing not to add “for now.”
So for the moment, Londoners may drink, bathe, and water their wilting plants in the knowledge that water is still flowing from Thames Water’s pipes and not from Westminster’s tear ducts. But one might not want to get too attached to long showers just yet.
If you’re parched for stability, perhaps invest in a rain barrel and a stiff upper lip.