In a story that feels suspiciously like the opening scene of a B-grade sci-fi film, a man in Florida was arrested this week after allegedly stealing a car with the stated intention of going back in time. Yes, you read that correctly. While Doc Brown had plutonium and a DeLorean, this man had a stolen Dodge Charger and a stunning lack of foresight.
The man in question, 37-year-old Stephen Murphy of Daytona Beach, told officers that he needed to “go back to stop the aliens,” which, depending on your cinematic education, might sound eerily familiar or entirely unoriginal. Unfortunately for Murphy, the Florida Highway Patrol has yet to issue guidelines for temporal displacement, and instead issued standard handcuffs.
According to the affidavit, Murphy broke into the vehicle outside a convenience store and started it using tools that, while impressive in their own criminal ingenuity, did not include a flux capacitor. The Charger was reported stolen, which did not surprise anyone except, presumably, Stephen Murphy, who told police the car was “necessary for the mission.”
Murphy was arrested on charges of grand theft auto and resisting arrest without violence. He is currently being held in the Volusia County Jail, which is known for its ability to contain criminals across space, but not time.
“He believed he was saving us all,” said an officer on the scene, “but mostly he just made our paperwork more interesting.”
Sadly, the universe remains unaltered and time, drably uncooperative, continues its usual forward march.
Though he hoped to change the past, Stephen Murphy ultimately provided nothing more than a very predictable future.