It appears that Silicon Valley ego has officially gone medieval, as Elon Musk, in a tweet that somehow managed to sound both spontaneous and oddly serious, has suggested he’s “up for a cage match” with Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg. This bold proposal did not float into the digital void like so many of Musk’s more peculiar pronouncements but rather landed with a thud, thanks in part to Zuckerberg replying simply, “Send Me Location.”
Yes, the billionaires are now flirting with hand-to-hand combat, abandoning the genteel arena of quarterly earnings calls in favor of full-contact performance art. While there are no confirmed details, venues or weight classes — and no word on whether Neuralink would be allowed in the octagon as a performance-enhancing implant — both parties appear alarmingly game.
Musk, who boasts a “brutal” fighting style described by him as “The Walrus” wherein he simply lies on top of his opponent, has reportedly been training jiu-jitsu. Zuckerberg, in a surprise turn that may concern the Tesla camp, already has several medals in amateur Brazilian jiu-jitsu under his proverbial tech-bro belt. Apparently, Zuck has gone from poking people on Facebook to arm-barring them in real life.
Meanwhile, Dana White, who seems contractually obligated to appear anytime two famous people mention the word “fight,” has entered the chat, declaring that he is now “absolutely” working to make the bout happen. He insists this would be “the biggest fight in the history of the world,” which is bold talk for a man who once had Kimbo Slice headline.
The internet, naturally, has responded the only way it knows how — with memes, speculation and at least three GoFundMe campaigns to send both billionaires on a SpaceX rocket to settle their beef on Mars. Italy was even reportedly floated as a host nation, because nothing says “ancient Roman ethos” like billionaire man-childs grappling over who has the better algorithm.
There is, of course, no guarantee this gladiatorial spectacle will actually happen. Musk is known for his erratic social media declarations, most of which fizzle faster than a Tesla Roadster’s stock price after a poorly timed tweet. Zuckerberg, for his part, has been notably more silent since his initial RSVP to violence.
In the end, the fight we may actually see could well be metaphorical and confined to app downloads, market share and philosophical debates about the metaverse vs whatever Musk thinks X is doing today.
But if they do face off in the ring, at least the prize isn’t world domination — just bragging rights and probably several documentaries narrated by Morgan Freeman.
And if it all turns out to be an elaborate marketing stunt, well, at least it beats another NFT launch.